And Then I Cried

by | 2 Nov 2014

I’ve just got home from The Fertility Show 2014 held each year at Olympia. This morning I was speaking about ‘How To Manage Your Fertility Clinic’ and this afternoon I helped out on the stands of Infertility Network UK and Mindful Muma To Be.

Forgive me for not writing more but I feel a bit overwhelmed right now. Overwhelmed at how it’s possible for so much hope and pain to occupy one room in a single day. And I’m talking about my own as well as other peoples.

So why not reclaim the seconds you would have spent reading the hundred or so more words I usually write on a Sunday night to think about one thing that’s made you happy today. For me it was when someone came up and said: ‘You seem like a mother to me.’

And then I cried.


  1. Mandy Stewart

    Oh Jessica how I love to read your blog and its honesty, truth and integrity, Of course you cried and why not, we all do, about many things. Today my happiness was being here in southern Spain and sharing lunch with Alan. Friends are incredibly important.
    With love and respect for you, Mandy.

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      You’re so right they are. I love to think about you and Alan in Spain having lunch. That’s brought the biggest smile to my face! Thank you. Much love Jessica x

  2. kiftsgate

    Well done on talking and helping at the Fertility Show. I can’t even imagine how overwhelming such an event might be and you describe it well with saying it was full of hope and pain. It’s exactly why I have always chickened out from such events. Well done for going!
    I haven’t met you in person but I’ve seen pictures of you and I have heard you speak and read your posts and book. You look like a mother to me too.
    What made me happy today? Meeting a blog friend ( in person for the first time and being amazed at how someone who is already super nice at distance can be even nicer in real person.

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Your comments always means so much to me. I really hope we can meet one day in person too! Jessica x

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Bless you Jo. You just made me cry again. And I hope that needs no explanation! Jessica x

  3. Hins

    and now just reading that someone said that to you, and knowing what a lovely soul you are.. now I’ve cried.

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Thank you! I’ve had so many lovely comments, emails and texts, I’m crying all over again. Jessica x

  4. Henrietta

    Jessica you are a true inspiration and you are indeed the best kind of mother – patient, caring and keen to pass on wonderful knowledge. x

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Thank you! I’m so touched you wrote. It means a lot. I really hope things are going well for you. It’s lovely to hear from you again. Jessica x

  5. Rachel

    Oh Jessica, sending you a big hug all the way from sunny Sydney….. Such a roller-coaster, so much emotion. Crying is good for the soul, let the tears stream out… Congrats on your speech, I would have loved to have heard that – is there a recording? I’ve had the trickiest time with my clinic of late – I think my name has a black mark next to it now with all the nurses!! Never give up hope lovely, I’m such a believer that we will get their one day in whatever way, shape or form our family looks like…..I haven’t met you (would love to one day) but from your writing, I just know you will be the most beautiful mum. Get your hubby to give you a big bear hug and hold you tight xox

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Thank you so much Rachel. I’ve definitely had a few black marks in my time too! There isn’t a recording I’m afraid but hopefully we’ll meet in person one day. Also I hope you got the Proust questionnaire which I emailed. I’m looking forward to featuring you! Thank you so much for reaching out. Jessica x

  6. barrenbetty

    I 100% agree with Kiftsgate’s comment. I wish I could have come to listen to your talk too. I’ve avoided places such as the fertility show… I think I’d struggle being confronted with all that pain and hope. Usually I am a master of denial and an expert at burying emotions, but I think that would be hard in that environment.

    I’m happy today to be in the Yorkshire Dales, enjoying the fresh air and the countryside.

    I was talking to my husband about you today and saying how much I admired you. That has nothing to do with the rest of my comment, but I thought I’d let you know anyway 🙂

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Would have loved to have you both there. I’d have never been in the past either and kind of in awe at the same time as being a bit appalled at how far I’ve come. Oh for a bit of countryside right now. London in all its grimy lilac softness (Ted Hughes’ description not mine) is getting me down. Much love Jessica ps. I admire you too!

  7. Bec

    Thank you Jessica for being so open and supportive of this community – often one that holds its pain so close and tight. Your words and thoughts are helpful to so many. I am also from Australia – it is a shame there is no recoding or podcast as the speakers and subjects are so vast and awesome.
    What keeps me happy in tough times? My family and friends…
    Much hope and love

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Thank you so much for writing. I’ve been even more overwhelmed this evening by how many lovely comments I’ve received. It’s been a difficult day in lots of ways but everyone’s support has given me strength. Family and friends are so important, I realise that more everyday. Thank you again. Much hope and love to you too. Jessica x

  8. Sheila

    It was lovely to meet you today on Naomi’s stand – you have done and are still doing a magnificent job in the fertility arena, you are an inspiration to many. I quietly wished ‘Good luck’ with my fingers crossed, to everyone visiting the show.
    I was quite proud of myself that I only cried three times when chatting to people! That’s a record for me!!
    What made me happy today? Returning home to my little Jessica for hugs and kisses!

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Lovely to meet you too. And thank you for such encouragement and support. It means a lot. Jessica x

  9. Jessica Noble

    Your talk was incredible yesterday, by far the best I went to all day (I went to 5!) and I was in awe of how well you held it together – I would have been a wreck, I’m sure! As for crying, I think I cried about 4 times yesterday at the show and I know I saw a few tears from others so you weren’t alone! We are only human after all 🙂 Thank you for being such a huge inspiration – reading your book really helped me at an incredibly low point in my journey.

    P.S Yes, there were bad slides yesterday, your no-slide decision was a good one!

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Thank you so so much – for coming, for reading my book and for writing to me. To be honest I’ve been beating myself up a bit since the talk because I didn’t think I was good enough – but that’s human (!) I guess, it’s certainly me (!). I can’t tell you how much it means to receive this. Bless you. Bless you. Jessica x


    Some people are what I call radiators and others drains. You know what I mean – after walking away from a conversation with a drain you feel a bit more tired and slumped, as though they’ve literally sucked a little bit of life force out of you. You, on the other hand, are one of life’s stellar radiators. You make everyone who meets you feel a little bit brighter. And because of your willingness to be so open you have been able to extend your radiating of support and hope and sheer knowledge through your book and blog and public speaking.

    What made me feel happy yesterday was having a quick cuppa with you (and your fab dress!)

    Dee x

  11. thepursuitofmotherhood

    Dee! Having a quick cuppa with you was one of the highlights of my day! It’s kind of impossible to find the right reply to such lovely comments but suffice to say it means a lot – a lot a lot a lot. (Although I also have to say I do wish I really were a radiator as my boiler is on the blink this morning and I need one!) Much love Jessica x


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