To Be Continued

by | 24 May 2015

My blog this week was going to be dedicated to the launch of my Channel Fundraising Campaign but due to a technical hitch I’m having to delay. I will be fundraising for two charities that are very close to my heart – one that supports families who haven’t got the children they long for; the other that supports children that haven’t got the families they deserve. I’m waiting until both JustGiving pages go live before I announce officially – that way if you do want to sponsor me you can choose which one you prefer. However, one page is already up and working and a couple of people have discovered it. When an email popped into my inbox to say I’d been sponsored, it felt both terrific and terrifying. I’ve never done a personal fundraising feat before and the fact that anyone would want to support me was amazing but at the same time the realisation that it meant I actually had to swim the bloody thing made me feel sick. I just want to tell you in confidence that lots of people don’t make it and one of them could be me so please bear that in mind. But for now, I better stop before I talk myself out of it. The intended subject of this blog is to be continued.

So on another subject, I thought I’d let you know that this coming Friday 29 May at 11am on BBC Radio 4 there’s a programme called Drawing the Line: When IVF Doesn’t Work. It features amongst others the wonderful childless coach Lesley Pyne and asks how people who have been through repeated treatment failure, as Lesley has, finally decided to give up. I can’t wait to listen because it’s something I think about a lot. It’s now over a year since my last round of IVF but I wouldn’t say I’ve given up. In fact when I write and talk in the sphere of fertility, infertility and IVF, I always try to avoid answering that question. There’s no doubt that at the moment I spend more time in the sea than I do in clinic waiting rooms (and believe me both can be pretty bad). Swimming the Channel has certainly given me something else to focus on but during my many hours in the water, it has also shaped a new stage in my pursuit of motherhood. To be or not to be a mother remains the question and another story to be continued…


  1. Heather Mbarek

    I love the title of your blog To Be Continued…… It’s how I feel about my fertility journey. 4 years have passed since I was told I had endometriosis and would struggle to conceive. Your book and your blog is a great comfort. I don’t feel like a monster for my reaction to the news more friends are expecting more babies to add their brood. 5 couples in the last four years are on their 2nd and 3rd child whilst I wait and hope and pray. It’s not that I am unhappy for them, it’s that I’m sad for us. A close friend told me to be positve and another (who has fertility issues but now has a 9 month old daughter) told me to stop thinking about it and maybe it’s just not meant to be. “Leave it in Gods hands”. Each one I could have cheerfully stabbed in the eye with a blunt spoon. The truth is the only our story is To Be Continued……..!
    Thank you for being honest and sharing your story with us. You’ll never know how much it means xxxxx

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Thank you for your beautiful comment. It’s meant so much to me to wake up and read it. Not knowing how our stories are to be continued and end is one of hardest things and I just want you to know that I feel everything you’re going through at such a deep level. I wrote a blog a while back about feeling happy for someone and sad for yourself at the same time. Why isn’t there a word in the English language that describes it? Here is the link if you’d like to read it Thank you so much for reading my book and my blog, and for writing to me. It really does mean a lot. Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing today, I hope you can find something that makes you smile (and you manage to avoid blunt spoons!) Much love Jessica x

      • Heather Mbarek

        Jessica never stop believing in yourself xx

  2. kiftsgate

    I look forward to hearing more about the fundraising. the important thing is you are picking up this huge challenge. if you can make it all the way even better! xx