You not Me

by | 24 Jan 2016

Right. Today I made a decision. I’ve got to stop writing so many blogs about ME: me and my new year’s resolutions; me and Kilimanjaro; me, me, me, me, me. There are far more important things happening in the world right now in relation to children and motherhood. Just one of them is how it’s really important that as many people as possible complete the largest survey this century about the impact of fertility problems which is being conducted by Infertility Network UK in partnership with Middlesex University.

I just have. Question 29 really got me. It reads: to what extent have you experienced any of the following as a result of infertility?


Low Confidence

Low Concentration




Lack of Support


Feeling out of control

Fears and Worries




Loss of Sex Drive




Suicidal Feelings

On a scale of 1 to 5 I was shocked by how many I had to rate at the top.

Oh god. I’m talking about ME again. Please complete the survey and make this blog about YOU. It’s for anyone that’s about to start treatment, is in the process of going through it, or has been through treatment in the past. And if that’s not you, then pass it on because in my experience everyone knows someone who is or has. We need the world to know about the effects of infertility so we can better fight for equality of treatment; better highlight the need for counselling for those going through it; and better help the world understand how terrible it can be. It makes me sad to say it, but there’s still a very long way to go.


  1. Ettienne

    I’ve just completed this survey. Here’s hoping this makes some difference to how we are all treated ( partners included) whilst going through this hard and sometimes heartbreaking experience.
    Thank you Jessica for sharing the link

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Thank you so much Ettienne. I really appreciate it and I know INUK will do too as it’s so important that we get as many responses as possible if we are to stand a chance of changing things. Hard and heartbreaking it absolutely is. Jessica x

  2. Elisa

    This is a great initiative! I can’t complete the survey as I’m not a UK resident but hope many people will. Thanks for sharing and promoting this! xx

    • thepursuitofmotherhood

      Thank you so much for commenting and saying so. I really hope as many people as possible do. Jessica x

  3. Jane

    Thanks Jessica – I will complete this (I don’t look forward to Q29, they will be high for me and still are 2 years after my journey has ended). Its truly heart-breaking when IVF does not solve the problem and I don’t think anyone is prepared for that. Please, please keep posting about YOU, I love reading what you are up to – it helps me realise Life is important and despite the sadness and disappointments we must embrace it and live it every day.

  4. thepursuitofmotherhood

    Bless you for saying so! That makes every blog I’ve written about me and my mad adventures feel worth it. Unsuccessful IVF is heartbreaking in so many ways and living life to the fullest feels to me the only way to get through it. Here’s to exciting adventures for both of us in 2016. Jessica x

  5. Lou

    Hi Jessica, survey completed, I really hope this helps. Q29 was hard & 7 years after my last treatment I still feel all of those feelings. Which make me think this pain & heartbreak will never go away but maybe it will get easier. Do others find that you can be fine for months & then bang it hits you again like a dark cloud …I’m in this place at the moment, hate feeling like this, feel so alone. Sorry but I feel this is the one place I can open up without upsetting anyone. Thank you Jessica your blogs are such a big support xxx

  6. thepursuitofmotherhood

    It will get easier. But, just like you say, sometimes it hits you again and I think that will go on happening but hopefully over time the hits get less painful, and more spaced out. I’m so happy to read you feel you can be open here – you absolutely can – do stay in touch. My thoughts are with you today. Jessica x

    • Lou

      Thank you Jessica xxx I’m so glad we have this site, there is so little support out there xx best wishes Lou xx

  7. thepursuitofmotherhood

    And I’m so glad you found it and like it! Thank you! Jessica x