I’ve been thinking about New Year’s resolutions. I know it’s only the 29th of December but there’s nothing I like more than a resolution. I want to be brave enough to make Number 1 on the list: Give up IVF. And if that sounds like IVF is an addiction as much as drugs and alcohol that’s because it is. In fact, it’s definitely more expensive than a Class A habit. Even as I think and write it, my heart starts to palpitate because where IVF is concerned maybe I have become an addict. Just like an alcoholic who is convinced that happiness lies in that next drink, I’ve become convinced that happiness lies in our next round of IVF. I should start a support group. IVF Anonymous. Or even go on a cruise and set up The Friends of Spinster (if you’ve never been on a cruise just ignore that reference).
Looking back at last year’s resolutions, I see that I’ve managed to achieve my goal of staying under 10 stone. That’s a result. Quite what I would have done about that if I had managed to get pregnant, I don’t know. But then that’s the weird world I live in. Success has become all about having a baby and being thin. When I think about enjoying my freedom and eating whatever the hell I like, my heart starts to palpitate again. There’s something wrong in all this. I definitely do need my own Twelve-Step Plan. Maybe I can have twelve New Year’s resolutions. And if I don’t achieve one or two of them. Well, who’s counting?
So this week’s question? It is, of course, what are your New Year’s resolutions?
Great to meet you Jessica and thanks so much for following on twitter and tweeting my article on goals and resolutions – really appreciate that. Hope your book will come out on Kindle? Ruth
And you Ruth. Now following your blog and on twitter too. And, yes, my book is coming out on Kindle in January just prior to publication on 1st Feb. If you’re interested in reading it, and if you do, then I’d love to know what you think. Jessica x
The thought of giving up TTC is definitely a scary one in my house. It is one I’m having to look at as my finances are running out. The grieving is hard and I’m starting to isolate myself. Being in society means confronting others’ pregnancies, births and terminations. I’m not up to those tasks just now. Good luck with your own journey.
Thanks for posting Annette. It is scary and I really want to contribute in some small way to making people feel less isolated. I think it’s really important that we all hear and share stories about people for whom this journey might not be successful. And that might be because, as you say, the finances run out and not because you really want to give up the attempts and addiction (!). I know if money were no object I’d probably go on and on and on until there was no more hope at all. Please do stay in touch. Jessica x
This entry resonated with me. Welcome to my life. The only time that I have been (temporarily) pregnant was with IVF. Actually, four times but each was short-lived.
Each attempt renews my hope and recently I told myself that I don’t have it in me and walked away. But it’s hard to close the door and walk away.
I am trying to sort out how to move forward as part of a childless couple and ignore the call to do yet another “one last round.”
Thanks so much for commenting. It’s so nice to know that what I’m writing resonates because it can be lonely on here as well as out there! One of the reasons we’ve carried on as long as we have is because I kept getting pregnant (and then losing it) but the doctors kept saying this was a good sign and it would work eventually. I’m not blaming them, I just wish more was being done to understand why this happens to so many of us. There must be a reason. Good luck with whatever you decide to do next, and do keep in touch. Jessica x
A great, thought-provoking blog. Scary and true. Thank you! Jessica